A Not So Graceful Exit: Why I Left Teaching

Yesterday, I quit.  In the middle of the school year, I quit.  After fourteen years in education, I quit.  I.  Quit.  Quitting isn’t something I do, particularly when children are involved, so this is still quite difficult to think or talk about.  It might seem an abrupt decision to some, but for those that know me well, you know this is something I have flirted with for a few years now.  I think it started about five years ago…

I was teaching in an inner-city school in Memphis.  I loved my principal.  I loved my kids.  I loved teaching.  Now, of course, there were issues.  Too much paperwork.  Not enough hours in the day.  Uninvolved parents.  Disobedient children.  District mandates that made no sense.  Still, overall, I was happy being a teacher.  I knew that I would either drop dead teaching or they would have to roll me out in a wheelchair.  It was what I wanted to do forever.  Then, the evaluation process for teachers dramatically changed.  Now, our students’ standardized test scores would become part of our evaluation. As I saw this change coming, I decided that I could help this process along by taking more of a teacher leader role.  So, I applied and became the instructional facilitator for the school where I had taught for the past 6 years.  In this role, I hoped to coach, mentor, and support teachers.  After all, that was a large part of that job description.  In reality, very little of my time was able to be spent doing that.  What did take up a large amount of my time was being my school’s test administrator.  I had experience with testing and the strict guidelines that go along with them, as all teachers do.  However, as test administrator, I was now responsible for reporting my teachers if they did not follow those guidelines.  The stress and worry of that prospect was just too much for me.  I had become an enforcer of a practice I didn’t even believe in.  I couldn’t do this to my teachers, so I left the position after two years and went back to the classroom.

I decided to try a different setting.  Middle school math.  My first year back in the classroom was blissful.  I loved my co-workers.  I loved the diversity of the school.  I loved teaching one subject all day.  Then, we started testing.  And the testing was even more frequent last year.  And now, three months into the school year, I’m certain we have tested more so far than we did all last year combined.

So, I quit.  I’m not going to be the messenger that tells my students that they have to take another test.  I am not going to spend another class period telling them I cannot help them get through a test they don’t understand.  They can get someone else to do that.  It will kill my teaching soul to do it even one more time.  Like all teachers, I have kids that read below grade level.  I can’t help them though.  I also have students that have only been in the country a few months.  I can’t help them though.  I even have students who don’t know our alphabet because their language is different than ours.  I can’t help them though.  And bless their hearts, they do it because I ask them to.  Most of them would do absolutely anything I asked.  They trust me and believe that what I am asking them to do is what is best for them.  I mean that’s why I spent weeks building connections with them at the beginning of the year.  I want them to trust me.  I rarely have discipline issues.  We are too busy and engaged in the lesson to get off task.  However, after testing kids for two weeks straight, they were done.  You cannot expect struggling students to engage in an activity that is so above their instructional level for an extended amount of time without eventually seeing their behavior change.  It is too frustrating for them!  I could tell that those two weeks broke the bond that I had built with some of my most challenging students.  They just didn’t trust me anymore.  That goes against every single thing inside me that led me to become a teacher in the first place.  And to be quite honest, it broke my heart.  I recently saw a post where someone described teaching as an abusive relationship.  You love it, but it makes you so unhappy.  I get that.  It does feel that way.

So, I quit.  I wrote a resignation letter giving my 30-day notice and gave it to my principal on a Monday morning.  I told him, both of my assistant principals, and my instructional facilitator that day.  With each time I told my story, I cried.  They didn’t try to stop me.  They didn’t make me feel guilty.  They were kind and understanding.  They know.  I’m sure they feel like quitting sometimes, too.  They aren’t the problem.  I slowly told my co-workers, friends, and family.  Everyone that knows me well said to do it.  Every single educator said they understood and would do it too if they could.  Every.  Single.  One.  I’m not married.  I don’t have kids.  I don’t have a mortgage.  I don’t have a car note.  I have more freedom to do this than most.  Because of that, I can’t be quiet about this.  I need to speak for those that don’t have the option to bow out.

My first step was sending the following letter home to all my students’ parents:

November 24, 2015

Dear Parents,

I regret to inform you that today is my last day as your child’s math teacher at #####.  I want you to know that this decision was not easy for me.  I will fill you in on why I am leaving, but first I will tell you what absolutely did not have anything to do with me leaving.  First, your children are not why I’m leaving education.  They are, in fact, the only reason I have any apprehension about this decision.  This, of course, will be most difficult for them.  I have talked to them about this and they handled it like rock stars, but please talk to them about it when they get home.  Adult decisions are often hard for anyone to understand, especially children.  Secondly, the administration at ##### is not why I am leaving.  I have felt nothing but supported by my administrative staff this school year.  I believe they have the best interest of your children in mind.  If I was going to teach anywhere, it would absolutely be at #####.  Finally, the teachers at ##### are not why I am leaving.  I have worked with many teachers over the past 15 years.  The teachers at ##### are some of the best I have ever seen.  In a profession where you are often blamed more than revered, I admire their willingness to keep waking up each day and choosing to keep going for their students.  Please continue to support the teachers at #####.  They need it, but more importantly, they deserve it.

Now…here is why I am leaving.  For the past five years, I have seen the testing of our students become more frequent and more frustrating for all those involved.  I absolutely hate having to stand before my kids and tell them they have to take another test.  It kills a little bit of my teaching soul each time I have to do it.  I spend so much time having to test them that I have little time to teach them, much less listen and talk to them.  So far this year, I have given my students the following tests: iStation Diagnostic (this will be given twice more this year), iReady Diagnostic (this will be given twice more this year), MAP Test (given in ELA, Math and Science), and the MIST test (given in ELA, Math, and SS).  These are just the tests that are mandated by the district or state.  We also give pre- and post-Common Formative Assessments at the school level.  Why all the testing these days?  The following is a post I saw online that explains it perfectly.  I’m not sure who posted it originally, so I am unable to give credit.  “The feds require annual testing for accountability. This translates into the BIG test that every state has (In Tennessee this is what we refer to as TCAP, now TNReady…more about that later).  However, the stakes are so high for that test, that states require additional “practice” tests.  But, the results of the state tests are used to threaten districts that are “failing”.  So the districts require “benchmark” tests, to make sure the students are ready for practice tests.  Individual schools and administrators are held accountable for their scores on the benchmarks, so they also impose building-level tests.  The result is non-stop testing.”

Back to TNReady.  This is the new state test that students will be taking this year in place of TCAP.  TNReady is a computer-based test and will be given in February and April.  Because it is taken on the computer, testing schedules will disrupt our regular schedule more than just a week like we were accustomed to under TCAP.  If that isn’t bad enough, the test is just down-right confusing.  You can read a blog post about it and take some practice questions here: http://www.mommabears.org/blog/alarming-info-about-tnready-testing-bomb.  Additionally, the blog post by State Representative Andy Holt shows you exactly how this is being handled by those in power in Tennessee: http://www.andyholt4tn.com/holt-what-tn-teachers-parents-should-know-about-standardized-tests/.  I urge you to become familiar with what is going on in education and make your voice heard about what is best for your child.  You can do this by contacting your school board members, representatives and senator.  And vote every single time.  It does make a difference.

So, back to my leaving.  I have to try to fight this somehow.  I’m not sure how I will go about that yet.  I guess this is my first step.  I do know that I can no longer be the messenger of something that I believe is harmful to my students.  That is exactly the opposite of why I became a teacher in the first place.  I am meant to help, support, empower, and praise children.  Under this current testing culture, I am simply helping to hurt them and that just isn’t who I am.

In closing, I am going to miss my kids so much.  I can barely think of it without crying.  However, I hope they eventually look back at this time and realize that I stood up for something I believed in even though it was a very, very difficult choice.  When they are faced with standing up for something they believe is wrong, I hope they are strong enough to do so.  It isn’t easy, but I think we all need a little more of that in our world.

My next step?  Not sure yet.  I do know that it is a disgrace that we are allowing companies from the testing industry to make millions of dollars off the abuse of our public education system.  Not only are we killing the spirits of students who want to learn, but we are also killing the spirits of teachers that want to make a life-long career of this.  I’m not the first one to give up and I certainly won’t be the last.  In 10-20 years, we are going to look back at this time in education and be very ashamed of what we have allowed to happen.

Finally, please hope and pray that my kids get a qualified teacher quickly. One that isn’t jaded by the system, that loves them in spite of their challenges, and has the strength to withstand the foolishness that educators endure.  I couldn’t be that for them anymore and the grief that causes me is suffocating at times.  I will miss them every day.  This quote helps when the feelings become overwhelming, “Be OK with not knowing for sure what might come next, but know that whatever it is…you will be OK”.   

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428 thoughts on “A Not So Graceful Exit: Why I Left Teaching

    1. Wow. How bold. that’s incredible. I am a music teacher, but I see and hear this all of the time and have my own standards as well to uphold. I do, however, have a great solution for you possibly to create some new income as you step out of this position. I’d love to share with you about it. I’m a rodan+fields skincare consultant and our top earner was a former Kindergarten teacher and has retired her husband. i think you’ll love the things i’ve got to offer

      Liked by 1 person

      1. acnitcher,
        After listening to a teacher pour her heart out about leaving teaching and the reasons why, you’re only comment is to plug your business.

        I have several friends leaving teaching way before they planned to because of testing and Common Core.

        As a fellow teacher, I think you are a disgrace to our profession.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Don’t do it! why cheapen her passionate response with this, I have found R+F to be the most aggressive program there is out there. My consultant was texting me during death in the family

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  1. Example of the constant ignorance that shows itself when politicians interfere with education just for votes. I encourage you as well – write or call your local and state representatives and tell them you and your children are fed up with the ignorance that is making decisions for the welfare of students; time for government to trust the educators that work so hard to make a difference in these childrens’ lives or get out of education (and get out of office).

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I worked in the New York public school system for 6 months and it was too much for me. Sure, there were difficult students and parents at times, but that wasnt why I quit either. The things the state asks of us are unreasonable and unrealistic at times. The kids aren’t learning anything through the mandated workbooks and testing.

    I too had a student who had a lot of difficulty reading /writing. She was born and raised here, but she never quite got the basics. Instead of helping her, they threw her in a “bilingual” class who were filed with kids that were classified as failures in the eyes of the school. They were told not to come in during testing days, so they wouldn’t bring the schools overall grade down.

    I can’t work for a place like that.

    Reading this really reminded me of what’s important. I’m glad you could speak your peace without having to worry about where the next meal will come from or anything like that. I’m also glad that everyone was/is so supportive of your decision.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I hated those textbooks companies who were going for those large state adoptions. When I was a Reading Specialist in the Midwest, we went through a reading adoption. It was very difficult to find one that we liked. It wasn’t that we didn’t like the Lippincott that we had but our district wanted newer materials. Newer does not always mean better.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. I had to leave teaching eight years ago, after twenty-five years due to Lupus. I loved teaching and, after
      having had to give up a lot to the disease over the years, this was the hardest.

      Even then, testing was getting out of hand. Now friends of mine who were excited, committed teachers, are leaving because of Common Core and for the same reason you did.

      I’m sorry to see another dedicated, loving teacher leave the profession, Kara. I hope you find something as fulfilling as teaching once was to become your new profession. Just please remember, you are not alone and you are understood.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. So have I for the same reason- lupus. Only 7 years in. But, before my doctor pulled me out of work, I would cry daily before going into work because I absolutely hated the job I was doing. I wasn’t teaching for growth and understanding, I was teaching toward a test that only hold the scores against us. The test that held us, the teachers, accountable for the failures…. never the successes. And as you know stress is not our friend. I would have 2-3 anxiety attacks at school, and by the end of the day I was so worn out and sick, I would pass out when I got home.

        All of this didn’t help that I worked in a very poor school district. Checks were short. Didn’t have basic teaching supplies. There were NO books. All of my teaching material came off line.

        Teaching isn’t the same as it was when I first fell in love with it. I was in 1st grade and my teacher Mrs Kelley told me it would be a great teacher. She told me I had passion and was very thorough. At that time, I didn’t know- well understand what passion was. Each year after that, Every one of my teachers encouraged me to go into education.

        I wish I would’ve stuck with medicine.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel you… and I admire your courage to see the reality of what education has become. Don’t let nay-sayers tell you you’re taking the easy way out. Don’t let them shame or guilt you with reminders of students who “can’t just quit in the middle of the school year” – You’ve found conviction and the voice to reach out to so many people to raise awareness. Kudos to you and my thanks.
    I teach art. In two elementary schools, each with an enrollment of around 650 students. I see around 1300 students in class in ONE WEEK’s TIME. At one school my AMP (art, music and P.E.) team is treated like a convenience: “babysitters”, a term I’ve seen others here use. Here, the Music teacher and I have no classroom, thus, “art on a cart” . We have 7 forty five minute classes daily, with 5 minutes between classes… Most of the time the classroom teachers are late coming back to class, as we frantically dash to the next classroom, apologizing to the next teacher. Yes, apologizing… for being late.. (although it’s the previous teacher’s fault.) We have a 25 minute lunch. This equates to about 15 minutes, as the teacher before our lunch is aware that they can take it easy and not rush to get back to their classroom on time. Also of note is that classes are combined — for AMP only — to allow for overcrowding(about 30 to 35 students in 6 class situations). After all, it’s only the art teacher. Why would she need planning? Or food? Or a bathroom break? There’s a 15 minute break between the 6th and 7th class. I’m going crazy by that time, flinging things into and out of the Art Cart, hoping to God that I have not forgotten something this time… AND at the end of the day… We relax. ?? No. We ride the bus. Inner city bus rides as monitors. Part of the time we’re standing, lurching with the bus’s erratic stops and turns… Then we’re back at our school just before 4 pm. Time to plan… Oh no. Who has energy? We flee the school building as if it were on fire… into the comfort and peace of our own quiet ride back home. Then begins the dread.. looking at another day of babysitting and trying to keep our heads above water. At best, we are set up to be mediocre teachers. How can any teacher do his/her best when being wrung dry and used up?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Wow! Y’all are required to do a lot! That is not right at all! Thanks so much for your support. I agree that related arts teachers are quite often used as baby-sitters instead of a place to make a connection with those kids who might be more of a challenge in the regular ed classroom. Hang in there…winter break is coming!

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  4. The very reason my daughter took early retirement a couple years ago. She could no longer teach under those rules. She loved teaching and loved the kids. She now does substituting and loves it.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I did subbing for a year. Loved it. Got to work with wonderful children and teach the way I wanted. In middle school one of the aides said where did you learn to teach like that. I told her that’s the way I was taught years ago. She couldn’t believe the class she was helping with was on task and presented no discipline problems. Good teaching can do that. You can have most students eating out of your hand with good student involvement.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I quit 4 years ago after 15 years for the exact same reasons in Florida. I was a Nationally board certified teacher, which didn’t make a bit of difference when all the testing and politics ruined education. I’m 51 and in nursing school. Every clinical day I think how much I miss my classroom and students. But I will never go back. I try and discourage young people from going into education for the same reasons we quit. Sad, but true.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. teaching world wide has changed so much. This is the second blog I’ve read today on the subject around testing etc. There needs to be a teaching revolution to bring teaching methods back to the original standards and structure of children in a room, learning from their teacher, not sitting there petrified of failing. and let us not forget that even the best student can be a lousy test sitter.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. So true! I know lots of smart grown-ups that sucked at taking tests in school. What a shame if education would have been centered around testing when they were in school. We would have certainly missed out on many great minds!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Standardization has NEVER worked on any level…ask corporations like Sears that went from a great company to bankrupt one following the centralization/standardization of their business. If anything is going to succeed it’s because it meets the NEEDS of those it is serving; we are unique and individual and deserve to be treated as such.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I also just retired in June after 36 years. I loved my kids. I left two years earlier than planned. The testing demands were overwhelming. The demands that all teachers in a particular discipline and grade level be on the same page at the same time and give the same test at the same time were frustrating. Technology changes, grading changes, lack of parental support, challenges by parents to discipline, grading, homework policies (their children had too many outside activities to do homework-ie-a boy who was a swimmer had to “rest” during the car trips to meets so he could swim his best and gain the interest of colleges. He didn’t have time to do his 8th grade homework). We were to differentiate our instruction, but give all children the same test despite the differences in reading or intellectual levels. My honors students and my special needs students all had to take the same test. There was no joy left. I rarely saw the light bulb go on. Giving them technology made me a policeman checking up on them to make sure they stayed on task. I went back to notes on paper and notecards to review for the “test” when I caught too many playing games or accessing sites they were not supposed to be able to get to during class. It was time to go.

    I am watching my daughter try to carry on what had been a family tradition of teaching. She is an elementary teacher. She has taught 3 different grades in 3 years. She has outdated technology in her classroom, but has to teach her students to take test online in prep for the big tests in the spring. We talk almost daily. She is happier this year than she has been, but some days are more difficult than others. I am not sure she will stay for 36 years.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. All nice people. Awful hurt. But WHY do we think students shouldn’t be expected to know what children of their same age learn elsewhere? When did it become the fault of everyone else that children are expected to learn things other children also learn? Don’t minority children also have a right to learn?

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  10. I left teaching after the 2013 school year, for many of the same reasons. I haven’t looked back and will graduate from nursing school next Friday. At least as a nurse I will actually be able to help people…… I sure felt like I was torturing my students with random tests on a weekly basis. The new state test Ohio implemented last year has already been thrown out. I refused to ley my daughter take it. Parents are going to have to say ENOUGH is ENOUGH and my child is not taking one more test…..My child will not be tested until a test has been chosen and used, several years in a row. They gave the PARCC state assessment and then they went and wrote the rubrics AFTER the test had been given, because even students from the schools who normally performed well did SO badly on it. The state of education is a terrible……it’s so sad.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You might check out the ESSA from the US Department of Education. I just received a letter yesterday from Arnie Duncan head of the USDE. If the senate passes it, it should greatly help. It sets a time limit as to how much class time can be spent testing.

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  11. Robots (and computers) will be taking over many of the best-paying jobs in the not too distant future. Perhaps this “change” is just a way of preparing the generation for a very different world, one where opportunities are few and far between and independent thinking will only get you in trouble. Yes I’m cynical, but the pie in the sky dreamers seem to be getting farther out of touch with reality every day. Many social trends suggest the next 50-100 years will not be a rosy future.

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    1. When I started teaching in 1971 the last story in our 6th grade reading text was about the future when everything would be on computers. Students had found an old, old book and didn’t know what to make of it as they had never held an actual book. My students at that time thought this would be impossible. They would now be 54 years old, and I wonder what they think of things as they are.

      Your assumption that the best paying jobs will be taken over by computers or robots is exactly why we need to elect Bernie Sanders who believes, as I do, that everyone should be paid a living wage. It used to grate on my nerves when I would see a few teachers treat our custodians, food service workers, aides, and secretaries as if they weren’t as valuable as the teachers. Unless they want to add a lot of extra duties to their already full plates, they should value them as much as their teaching team for without them they would be doing much more.

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  12. I retired early (at the age of 58), to a large degree, because of Tennessee’s emphasis on testing rather than student learning. I could write a book about how and why testing has negatively affected student learning, as well as cthe self concept of many students, and about how to improve education by EFFECTIVE teacher evaluation and feedback, but I’m still too tired after 14 years of retirement. My heart breaks for what you’ve lost and for what your students (current and future) have lost. But I hope that your decision to share your thoughts and feelings will result in some change, therefore positively affecting even more students’ lives. Thank you for taking the time.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. The 1% vs. the 99% divide can be seen as a divide between those who have excellent critical thinking skills (good reading, math and writing skills) vs. those who do not. The need for a society that has plenty of good critical thinkers at all economic levels has rarely been greater than in our age of “it’s on the internet, so it must be true.” Education is more important than ever, for far more reasons than preparing for a job.

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  14. You are a very amazing person! I’m pretty sure you were amazing while teaching as well! You have passed on a very nice message to the younger generations who are still learning. I admire you! Best wishes for you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I would love to see these amazing teachers with passion for their students find homeschool co-op opportunities, like the old style one room schoolhouse, where these teachers can actually TEACH without being strangled by profiteers.

    Here in NH, our homeschooling laws are very easy and while I know that scares some, we have excellent students and wonderful parents who are not willing to send their children to these types of schools any more than these bold teachers are willing to bend their values to accommodate testing for funding.

    We’d love to talk to any teachers who are fed up with the system that forces our kids to prove their worth by testing alone. We might all not be able to offer much money, or amazing benefits, but it can’t be worse than the degradation of those who have entered the could-be-wonderful halls of learning only to find themselves rendered instruments of torture, without any other way out except to quit. Let’s work together to make education the pillar of our country, instead of just a laughing stock to other countries whose children laugh, live happily, and love learning!

    Bring education back. Stop allowing these money hungry test generators and corrupt politicians to use our children as money makers.

    Thank you, from one teacher mom Kara to another teacher Kara, for being willing time take a risk and tell those in the greed centers that it won’t be taken any longer!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Kara, maybe in the future. I just need a break right now from any of it. Thanks for the idea though. My sister is a home-school mom and works at one those co-ops. She suggested the same. Thanks for the taking the time to read my blog and for posting such encouraging words!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. What a brave decision. I admire you for taking action. I am a high school teacher in Australia and although l don’t think we test as much as you, given your explanation, but l can wholeheartedly understand what you are saying. I look forward to seeing what you do next! Good luck!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I understand and appreciate your decision and most importantly your courage in sharing it with all of us. I too quit teaching after a 14 year old stint. The issues with the way teachers are treated or understood is I believe global in nature. Why is it so? Will it ever change? Greetings from a teacher in India.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m so sorry that you were so jaded by the system. Only 4 years in and in a different state: I feel the same. It’s so hard to see through the muck of testing, and it’s so hard to get our children to still enjoy school! Teachers like you, good teachers, are leaving every day. Something has to be done.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I have read and re-read this post so many times I think I could recite your words. First of all, GOOD FOR YOU! You’re so right, we need more people that will stand up for their beliefs, even when the decision is the hardest you’ll ever make. Second, I would really love to know where you are now… nearly two months later.

    I’m especially interested in hearing of your journey, how your message was received by parents, and how you’re doing now that the afterglow is probably starting to wear off. The reason I’m so interested is because – EXACTLY one month prior to your stepping down, I did the same. I left the school I’d been working at for five years and had wanted to teach at for over twenty years. Like you, what is being done to these poor children crushes my “teaching-soul” and I just couldn’t take one more day of it. Unlike you, however, I had a principal that wasn’t the most supportive (my AP was/is phenomenal).

    This probably sounds crazy, but I’d love to talk more with you about the next steps and what you’re doing to advocate for your students. I really want to do something for our Florida babies but just don’t know where to begin. If you have any interest in putting our heads together, email me! TSeltzer717@gmail.com. Again, GOOD FOR YOU. I know it was a painfully difficult decision but only the strong can handle such adversity and it sounds like you handled it gracefully and with pride.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I am a career-changer in my second year of teaching. Just two years in, I am already feeling many of the emotions you brought up in your blog. I teach special education, and our district is cutting funding and entire sections of classes that are vitally needed by my kids. This will result in lawsuits before anything changes. They did press releases last year because they were cutting four tests in each subject…but then this year they added in SIX tests in each subject! My kids read four grade levels behind, but their success (and mine) is weighed by their ability to take a test FOUR GRADE LEVELS above their ability.

    It feels as though nobody is putting the students first. It’s shameful, and I spend more time in tears over this than I ever thought possible. This is not the vision I had of teaching.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. First of all, your refusal to accommodate the ever-increasing standardized testing of your students is a testament to your love for both your students and for teaching as a whole. I actually work for a non-profit in Memphis called LITE, or Let’s Innovate through Education (litememphis.wordpress.com); your blog post struck me because our organization is also trying to address the education system in Memphis as well as the lack of after-school enrichment opportunities for students of inner-city schools. Your perspective as a teacher is helpful in bettering our understanding of life inside the classrooms. I wish you the best in your journey to reduce excessive testing and institute a better understanding of true education in Memphis.

    Liked by 1 person

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